Humour

This proves some Doctors are, in fact, human and make normal mistakes!!!

1. A man dashes into the A&E dept. and yells, 'My wife's going to have her baby in the taxi.'
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the taxi, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly after protests from the lady I noticed that there were several taxi's, and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, St. Andrews Hosp. Glasgow.

2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,' I instructed.
'Yes, they used to be,'. . . replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Barnes, St.Thomas's Bath .

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her on her mobile phone reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg Royal London Hosp.

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment, he told me that he was having trouble with one of his medications.
'Which one ?'. . .. I asked.
'The patch; the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it !'
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk General.

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked 'How long have you been bedridden?'
After a look of complete confusion she answered, 'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was still alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Maidenhead Royal Kent ..

6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked, 'So how was your breakfast this morning?'
'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste,' Bob replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labelled 'KY Jelly.'

Submitted by Dr. Leonard J. Brandon. Bristol Infirmary.

7. A nurse was on duty in the A&E when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for an immediate operation. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, 'Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said
'Sorry, had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by Staff Nurse RN Elaine Fogerty, KGH London .

Dr. wouldn't submit his name!


 

BBC once had a TV show called 'One Man and His Dog'  This was all about shepards, their dogs and a few sheep, Trials kind of thing. Not the most interesting program, kinda program you might catch if you were off school for being ill.

Now if they did the same show, but did it this way... Watch the video... It would have been a lot more fun, and I can only guess brought in more viewers.

THE FINANCIAL CRISIS EXPLAINED IN SIMPLE TERMS:

· Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Berlin.

· In order to increase sales, she decides to allow her loyal customers - most of whom are unemployed alcoholics - to drink now but pay later.

· She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).

· Word gets around, and as a result increasing numbers of customers flood Into Heidi's bar.

· Taking advantage of her customers' freedom from immediate payment constraints, Heidi increases her prices for wine and beer, the most-consumed beverages.

Her sales volume increases massively.

· A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases Heidi's borrowing limit.

· He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the alcoholics as collateral.

· At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert bankers transform these customer assets into DRINKBONDS, ALKBONDS and PUKEBONDS.

· These securities are then traded on markets worldwide.

· No one really understands what these abbreviations mean and how the securities are guaranteed.

· Nevertheless, as their prices continuously climb, the securities become top-selling items.

· One day, although the prices are still climbing, a risk manager (subsequently, of course, fired due to his negativity) of the bank decides that slowly the time has come to demand payment of the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi's bar.

· However they cannot pay back the debts.

· Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations and claims bankruptcy. DRINKBOND and ALKBOND drop in price by 95%.

· PUKEBOND performs better, stabilizing in price after dropping by 80%.

· The suppliers of Heidi's bar, having granted her generous payment due dates and having invested in the securities are faced with a new situation.

· Her wine supplier claims bankruptcy, her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor.

· The bank is saved by the government following dramatic round-the-clock consultations by leaders from the governing political parties.

· The funds required for this purpose are obtained by a tax levied on the non-drinkers.


· Finally, an explanation we understand.

So, it's snowin' in the UK, from looking at some reports, you would think that it has never ever snowed in the UK.

One thing with the UK, is the multple use of webcams, and the BBC has links to many of them. So for the fun and global noteriaty some folks have taken up the dare!

Enjoy the image.

Oh and the word CUNT is one of the Bleepable words on the BBC.

The other day, at around 11:00, in Liverpool street Station London, 

suddenly you heard... waaaayyyyy ,,,, you make me wanna shout, Yep it was T-mobile flash mobing the station with a bunch of dancers and some goodish music. See it all here

Yep, very simple guide on how to convert all your Imperial measures into Metric..

Simple really yep

It's a question that has been asked, don't ask me by who, I don't know, but I'm sure it's been asked. Where are all those stars? All is explained in the nice image below.

So sod this stuff about global warming, bahh humbug! Burn, over use everything! that's the way to go these days! So what if the grand kids have nothing but sand and rocks. Who goes to the North Pole to see the Ice? Cold, windy, useless place anyway. Dark for 6 months of the year, useless place really isn't it. Why not have it as a place where you can windsurf, or water sky around the pole ? Ya useless place really.

So goes the quiz. It turn out I was a cockroach?

	You were a cockroach. You were often misjudged, but you've been resourceful and its helped you even in today's hostile world. Your ability to survive, persevere, and make the best of your environment is displayed in your current life. However, your achievements are often overlooked.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

So, what were

YOU

in your past life?

Yep, no chance in hell to sort out any of the world issues with this kind of educated people? Or are they educated? Looks like it's a suitable situation if your a politician. These one, I guess all watch Fox News or something else of low caliber.

After many years, well. well over the usual 20 yrs. Just a note on the 20yrs,  When you, well, if you channel hop on one of those nights or days when there is nothing on, and you fall on one of those shopping channels. The experts there always have 20yrs experience, not that I watch those channels you know.

Anyway, I was challenged to a quiz to determine how much of a geek I am, Obviously, I took this with great gusto, and happily found that I wasn't that geeky. Only 60%. SO, fellow reader(s) how geeky are you!

Yep, It's Animal, there on the drums! My All time favourite  muppets of the lot. Can't add much more!

Funny Videos

Well, I would have! I have no idea who advised these guys that Chat Masala was a good name for european translation. In Hindi it means 'to lick' so It's an appropriate name. However, it's not a good name to use if your going to translate into French. As per the packaging of Chat Masala in my local store. check the image.

So Chat Masala in French is Epices De Chat. This of course is so wrong, wrong in so many ways, To translate back to English you get Spices of Cat. I can't really think of a good translation, this is one lécher les épices, but that sounds rather gross.

Well, as mentioned somewhere before, I'm a fan of Dilbert. There are times when the great Scot Adam comes up with something that is, you know, just rings a true note.

Check the image....

So, best ignore pollsters as they know nothing.