Humour

This is a very good new site for the EDL..

www.edl.me

This proves some Doctors are, in fact, human and make normal mistakes!!!

1. A man dashes into the A&E dept. and yells, 'My wife's going to have her baby in the taxi.'
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the taxi, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly after protests from the lady I noticed that there were several taxi's, and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, St. Andrews Hosp. Glasgow.

2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,' I instructed.
'Yes, they used to be,'. . . replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Barnes, St.Thomas's Bath .

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her on her mobile phone reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg Royal London Hosp.

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment, he told me that he was having trouble with one of his medications.
'Which one ?'. . .. I asked.
'The patch; the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it !'
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk General.

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked 'How long have you been bedridden?'
After a look of complete confusion she answered, 'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was still alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Maidenhead Royal Kent ..

6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked, 'So how was your breakfast this morning?'
'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste,' Bob replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labelled 'KY Jelly.'

Submitted by Dr. Leonard J. Brandon. Bristol Infirmary.

7. A nurse was on duty in the A&E when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for an immediate operation. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, 'Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said
'Sorry, had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by Staff Nurse RN Elaine Fogerty, KGH London .

Dr. wouldn't submit his name!


 

BBC once had a TV show called 'One Man and His Dog'  This was all about shepards, their dogs and a few sheep, Trials kind of thing. Not the most interesting program, kinda program you might catch if you were off school for being ill.

Now if they did the same show, but did it this way... Watch the video... It would have been a lot more fun, and I can only guess brought in more viewers.

THE FINANCIAL CRISIS EXPLAINED IN SIMPLE TERMS:

· Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Berlin.

· In order to increase sales, she decides to allow her loyal customers - most of whom are unemployed alcoholics - to drink now but pay later.

· She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).

· Word gets around, and as a result increasing numbers of customers flood Into Heidi's bar.

· Taking advantage of her customers' freedom from immediate payment constraints, Heidi increases her prices for wine and beer, the most-consumed beverages.

Her sales volume increases massively.

· A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases Heidi's borrowing limit.

· He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the alcoholics as collateral.

· At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert bankers transform these customer assets into DRINKBONDS, ALKBONDS and PUKEBONDS.

· These securities are then traded on markets worldwide.

· No one really understands what these abbreviations mean and how the securities are guaranteed.

· Nevertheless, as their prices continuously climb, the securities become top-selling items.

· One day, although the prices are still climbing, a risk manager (subsequently, of course, fired due to his negativity) of the bank decides that slowly the time has come to demand payment of the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi's bar.

· However they cannot pay back the debts.

· Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations and claims bankruptcy. DRINKBOND and ALKBOND drop in price by 95%.

· PUKEBOND performs better, stabilizing in price after dropping by 80%.

· The suppliers of Heidi's bar, having granted her generous payment due dates and having invested in the securities are faced with a new situation.

· Her wine supplier claims bankruptcy, her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor.

· The bank is saved by the government following dramatic round-the-clock consultations by leaders from the governing political parties.

· The funds required for this purpose are obtained by a tax levied on the non-drinkers.


· Finally, an explanation we understand.

Most criminals who get caught are not always the brightest sparks, well they got caught? isn't that a give away ? So here's this bright spark (well a dim one, but there is a spark there) He has a master plan, he needs to get out of the hell hole that a state prison in Georgia, USA Not Georgia in the Caucasu. Anyway, he's got this plan, Escape! It works very well, he gets out, he's a free man! Nobody say him do a runner. Brilliant, pure genius! 

This is where the real plan fails, he was out of cigarettes, he was so desperate to get some, he hatched the escape plan, got out, and raided a local store, no he didn't pay for the ciggies, no he stole them, so far so not bright spark!

The spark has now just gone out! He master plan was to escape the prision, raid a local store for a few cartages of ciggies, then try and creep back in. Yep, he got caught when he was creeping back in with the swag of ciggies. Genius!

You don't think this is true ? well it's all here on the good old BBC, here from the Huffington post.

I'll put this down as Escape Fail!

A short and very simple story .

Yes, I could be in trouble as I often go to demonstration with my camera and what does one do, takes pictures of the real trouble makers, yep, not the folks in the demo, but the cops. They, in my view, get a bit too excited and well, though their weight (law) around abit.

From today, anyone taking a photograph of a police officer could be deemed to have committed a criminal offence.
That is because of a new law - Section 76 of the Counter Terrorism Act - which has come into force.
It permits the arrest of anyone found "eliciting, publishing or communicating information" relating to members of the armed forces, intelligence services and police officers, which is "likely to be useful to a person committing or preparing an act of terrorism".
That means anyone taking a picture of one of those people could face a fine or a prison sentence of up to 10 years, if a link to terrorism is proved. Source

So, I could be in the slammer for upto 10yrs just for taking photos. The question I would like to know is this, How do you prove a 'link to terrorism' ?

I can see these PCSO or those known as Plastic Cops (PCSO) who are basically folks who are part time coppers but can't really do coppers job. The worry is, if one of these folks doesn't like you, and you happen to be taking photos of some of the great London Landmarks, s/he could have you in the slammer with trumped up charges and your life is wrecked. This really is something that should never have been allowed to pass into Law!

Oh and here's why I may in trouble... check here

Facebook group here

So, it's snowin' in the UK, from looking at some reports, you would think that it has never ever snowed in the UK.

One thing with the UK, is the multple use of webcams, and the BBC has links to many of them. So for the fun and global noteriaty some folks have taken up the dare!

Enjoy the image.

Oh and the word CUNT is one of the Bleepable words on the BBC.

The DEC are organising a campaign for the victims of the Israeli attacks on Gaza. However, The BBC refuses to broadcast this as it may affect it's 'Impartiality'. WTF? has Olmart called the Director General of the BBC like he did George Bush to prevent a UN resolution?

By the looks of it, the BBC has been spoken to by Israeli supporters and have been brought shame on what is supposed to be a bastion of Truth, fairness and honest reporting. Israel says there is no disaster, that they 'only' killed Hamas supporters. I will leave Tony Benn to take on the rest. Watch the Video below. Shame on the BBC.

Israel, is on the wrong side of the fence this time round. All the empathy of the Haulocast has been used up. It can no longer be used as a tool to allow Israel to attack the people of Gaza. Oh, did I not tell you, Hamas were voted in, in an election that was sponsored by the US. Democracy Bush style!

Looking at the response by BBC's chief operating officer Caroline Thomson, it appears that, as the BBC was one of the only news organisations allowed access into Gaza during the conflict, it was allowed to with caveats, one being, I'm guessing, that it should not report, support, transmit any new reports about the 'disaster'. That it should not support or appear to support Hamas. The problem is, this is a Humanitarian crisis, not a politico propaganda one. Israel has lost the propaganda war.  It was far to obvious to be believable.

Here's the link  'Intelligence insulting' response for the head huncho of the BBC, Mark Thompson. He is imply that we are not smart enough, that the charities are not smart enough to make sure that the monies go to those who need it, Now, Just fuck off Mark. Resign to big lump of shit.

The other day, at around 11:00, in Liverpool street Station London, 

suddenly you heard... waaaayyyyy ,,,, you make me wanna shout, Yep it was T-mobile flash mobing the station with a bunch of dancers and some goodish music. See it all here