Entries tagged as Humour
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Mar 19: Extreme 'one man and his dog'!
BBC once had a TV show called 'One Man and His Dog' This was all about shepards, their dogs and a few sheep, Trials kind of thing. Not the most interesting program, kinda program you might catch if you were off school for being ill.
Now if they did the same show, but did it this way... Watch the video... It would have been a lot more fun, and I can only guess brought in more viewers.
THE FINANCIAL CRISIS EXPLAINED IN SIMPLE TERMS:
· Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Berlin.
· In order to increase sales, she decides to allow her loyal customers - most of whom are unemployed alcoholics - to drink now but pay later.
· She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).
· Word gets around, and as a result increasing numbers of customers flood Into Heidi's bar.
· Taking advantage of her customers' freedom from immediate payment constraints, Heidi increases her prices for wine and beer, the most-consumed beverages.
Her sales volume increases massively.
· A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases Heidi's borrowing limit.
· He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the alcoholics as collateral.
· At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert bankers transform these customer assets into DRINKBONDS, ALKBONDS and PUKEBONDS.
· These securities are then traded on markets worldwide.
· No one really understands what these abbreviations mean and how the securities are guaranteed.
· Nevertheless, as their prices continuously climb, the securities become top-selling items.
· One day, although the prices are still climbing, a risk manager (subsequently, of course, fired due to his negativity) of the bank decides that slowly the time has come to demand payment of the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi's bar.
· However they cannot pay back the debts.
· Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations and claims bankruptcy. DRINKBOND and ALKBOND drop in price by 95%.
· PUKEBOND performs better, stabilizing in price after dropping by 80%.
· The suppliers of Heidi's bar, having granted her generous payment due dates and having invested in the securities are faced with a new situation.
· Her wine supplier claims bankruptcy, her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor.
· The bank is saved by the government following dramatic round-the-clock consultations by leaders from the governing political parties.
· The funds required for this purpose are obtained by a tax levied on the non-drinkers.
· Finally, an explanation we understand.
May 27: What is the Blogsphere?
Feb 27: Earth Quake in the UK
Big News! There was a Huge earthquake here in the UK, many chimney stacks knocked of roofs. Pandemonium, as bricks hit the pavements when nobody was there. Some one could have been hurt. Cars could have been crushed under the weight of 10 bricks. Oh yes, it was lethal some newts were woken up.
Yes, that's roughly how the media has reported it. but really nothing much happened, and yes, I did feel it last night, thought it was a rather big underground train (I live just over the northen line link between Kennington to Waterloo. so, wow!
For more information check what the BBC said.
Oh and yes, this has nothing to do with Global warming.
Looks like earthquakes around the area of Mrket Rasen, there have been quite a few more over the past few years. Check out this link from the British Geological survey.
Click image to enlarge
Jan 26: My Alter Ego
Nov 4: Bad translations
One just wonders if they got a translater for getting the meaning in context. It may be perfect, it may be good for concentrations, it also may be a camp for the olympics. But putting those 3 words together just sends out the wrong message, so wrong, from a country we know still has these camps.
Click to enlarge
Nov 2: God did I hate the orginal.
Well, I would have! I have no idea who advised these guys that Chat Masala was a good name for european translation. In Hindi it means 'to lick' so It's an appropriate name. However, it's not a good name to use if your going to translate into French. As per the packaging of Chat Masala in my local store. check the image.
So Chat Masala in French is Epices De Chat. This of course is so wrong, wrong in so many ways, To translate back to English you get Spices of Cat. I can't really think of a good translation, this is one lécher les épices, but that sounds rather gross.
Sep 24: Dilbert #125654
Well, as mentioned somewhere before, I'm a fan of Dilbert. There are times when the great Scot Adam comes up with something that is, you know, just rings a true note.
Check the image....
So, best ignore pollsters as they know nothing.
Sep 23: Marcel Marceau Dies
The greatest Mime artist Marchel Marceau died today at the grand age of 84. so far here is no word as to how he died, but no doubt he has given up trying to get out of the box.. He was most famously know for Bip, pictured to the left. He created this character in 1947, for what reason, well I don't know, but you can read more about him here on his wiki page.
Suffice to say, He left this world without saying a word.
Sep 3: Whoaaa
Family on holiday in Australia for a week and a half when husband, wife and their 15 year old son decided to go scuba diving. The husband is in the navy and has had some scuba experience.
His son wanted a pic of his mum and dad in all their gear so got the under water camera on the go. When it came to taking the pic the dad realized that the son look like he was panicking as he took it and gave the "OK" hand sign to see if he was alright.
The son took the pic and swam to the surface and back to the boat as quick as he could so the mum and dad followed to see if he was OK. When they got back to him he was scrambling onto the boat and absolutely packing it.
When the parents asked why he said "there was a shark behind you" and the dad thought he was joking but the skipper of the boat said it was true and that they wouldn't believe him even if he told them what it was. As soon as they got back to the hotel they put the pic onto the laptop and this is what they saw.
(Try and tell me you wouldn't have emptied your entire digestive system right at the point you saw it)
Would you have stayed to take the picture?!?
Sep 1: exams
I haven't done them for, well ages, no I lie, I did one the other week, not really an exam, more a test to see if I had read some proceedures for the place I work. Nothing serious like A levels (never did) all those exams are way back. But that doesn't stop one from finding questions and answers that that come from these exams done by the younger folks.
This one here, somehow, I think the kid must be a bloke, a bit of a twat, and well, may not have a girlfriend, if he did, I don't think he'll have one now anyway!
There, that wasn't a hard question was it then?
Aug 9: A WISE OLD MAN
One thing can be said, with reference to global warming and our role (Humans) in it can be understood, Even the native Indians a long time ago knew we had screwed up.
Just read on....
A few years ago someone browsing through the 40th Anniversary Issue of Reader's Digest (dated Feb. 1962) came across this reprint from the Washington News and found it quite interesting in light of our current debates.
The quote reads:
Vice President Lyndon Johnson received the following message from a Native American Indian Chief on a reservation: "Be careful with your immigration laws. We were careless with ours."
Native American Observation Recently an old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a Ceremonial pipe and eyeing two U. S. Government officials sent by the President to interview him.
"Chief Two Eagles" asked one official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."
The Chief nodded in agreement.
The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"
The Chief stared at the government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied, "When white man found the land, Indians were running it. No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, women did all work, medicine man free, Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing, all night having sex."
Then the chief leaned back and smiled. "Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."
See, total fools we were, and one could say, that the current US Government still don't listen to wise old men. Mad old men yes, not wise ones
Jul 30: Just don't mess with good Beer
Yes, just don't mess with good beer, you can mess with a Stella (shite in the UK) Anything else, but I think the folks at Carlsberg may have just taken it a step too far, but hell, it is a good beer and no you shouldn't mess with it...
There you have been warned, Don't put do it, if you do want to do it, make sure you don't back out to the road!