Andy Ramblings

DEMOCRATIC
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.


BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

30 years ago, there was a young boy, who 30 years ago was a not very well boy, he did go to school, but only for 2 days a week, this young boy was nobody else but myself. I was doing hemodialysis 3 days a week for over 9 hours. It all started with a phone call, I picked up the phone, the person at the end asked if they could speak with my mother, I handed the phone to my mother, It was 6pm there abouts, I was to go to Paris, there was a kidney waiting for me. I got some clothes together, with the things a 10 year old thinks he will need. I gather it wasn't very useful.

So I set off to Paris, accompanied with my eldest brother and my mother driving from Luxembourg to Paris. We arrived in the early hours of the 28th of April 1977. This was the infancy of kidney transplantation on children. I had the operation at around 7am. I remember waking up afterwards in a seeing my mother and brother who were talking to me, but through a window, the nurse was covered head to foot, I could only see her eyes. I was in a totally sterile room, I was in there for around 3 days, before being moved to children's ward, but again in a fully sterile room, but this time I was allowed to have visits from family members, but they had to wear full sterile outfit. I think I was in there for a week or so, before I was moved to a semi-sterile room.

I had my first acute rejection 3 weeks after the transplant, I can remember having a temperature of 40^o or so. I recall I was put on a bed if ice cubes, somehow they didn't feel cold, but was most definitely cooling down. 3 weeks after that I was allowed home, I was well puffed up with the steroids, My mother didn't even recognised me, I looked very much like a munchkin from the wizard of OZ.

So says the headline. This is Alcohol Concern's attempt to try and stop the problem with underage drinking.

Parents who give alcohol to children aged under 15 should be prosecuted, a charity has said.

The call comes in an Alcohol Concern report on the government's Alcohol Harm Reduction Strategy.

The study highlights figures that suggest a large increase in the amount of alcohol drunk by 11 to 13-year-olds.

Alcohol Concern also wants a 16% rise in alcohol taxes, a ban on brewers selling to retailers at a loss, and a crackdown on under-age alcohol sales.

'Stronger message'

The charity would include meal times at home in the ban on giving alcohol to young people.

Frank Soodeen, a campaigns officer for Alcohol Concern, said: "We are facing a new social reality where children seem to be adopting older behaviour at a younger age.

Source

What get's me is this? Why this obsession with sending people to jail for silly things, considering that drinking a glass of wine (or two) diluted with water for young children,

The problem with drink in the UK is that it's acceptable to get drunk, it's acceptable that you black out, it's acceptable that you throw your guts up, it's also quite acceptable to have a massive hangover the next day.
Personally, when I was growing up, you were shunned if you did any of the above, you were giggled at the next day, it was sort of a dis-honour so to speak to loose control of yourself.

So, that's the route of the problem, it's a cultural problem, it's an educational problem and where should you have the best education? yes, At home!

So today was the 'Flora' London Marathon. 26miles to run around London, Why ? I mean, the weather was gorgous? and 36,500 people decided that run around London for fun?! I tell you, the sun got em! Madness I tell you. I simply watched the first 30 mins of these 36 odd thousand running, and I was knackered and needed to have multiple water stops, or coffee for me.

With temperatures hitting the high 23⁰C there were plenty of peeps who simply concked out before the end of the race.

The thing about the London Marathon, is that a lot of people do things for charity, Very good for them and to be honest, it's a very good platform to publicise you charity, as they will get some air time on the BBC.

What grabbed my attention on the BBC website, is that there is this blind guy who wants to do 7 marathons in 7 days. Fine I say, I ope you make it, but has anyone asked the guide dog? I mean, I know dogs like to have a good run around, but, 26mils or 182mils in a week, doesn't sound like fun for the dog.

Anyway, here he is:

Image from BBC

OK, they are pretty cool, I like the old google maps, you can do a nice virtual holiday from your desk. Sad I know, but you can get to see some sights, that well, you might never have gotten around to seeing. The other thing I like about good maps, is that it can plan/tell you how to get from A to B. Not always the best route, but a route none the less.

So I decided how does Google tell me how to get from London to the lovely city of Brussels, I'm sure it would give pretty much the same results if I was to go to Paris or any other city in Europe as I would always have to cross the channel somewhere. So, How does Google find Calais from London? Well simple really, Turn left at Dover, and after swiming/driving/ I don't know, you will get to Calais after 26Miles (that'll be ~41Km Google hasn't realised that the UK has gone metric like the rest of Europe)

Anyway, for you, I have taken a snap shot of this famous crossing that only Google has found. Yes, that mystery bridge.

There you go, easy when you know. MInd. I still prefer the good old Eurostar.

So said Bush, at the memorial cermony at Viginia Tech? No, They were in the right place, in their classes, in college, doing what helps to make the US a greater place? Yes, Mr Bush, it's you who put your stupid big foot in your village idiot gob.

I suppose you come up with the same statement with Soldiers you sent to Iraq? Well, The sooner you leave the safer the world will become, you poodle buddy Blair is leaving his desk in under 2 months, and most likely after a disaster for the labour party in the May elections. Incidently, England, is one of those places where you don't really know that elections are if you are just passing through, It seems to be a very hush hush affair, some leaflets sent to you, no big meetings, no big debates. Anyway, enough on that. I'm just happy that Blair will be gone soon, mind, I don't think I'm gonna think much of the Next guy, A certain Mr Brown.