Entries tagged as Only In America
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Most criminals who get caught are not always the brightest sparks, well they got caught? isn't that a give away ? So here's this bright spark (well a dim one, but there is a spark there) He has a master plan, he needs to get out of the hell hole that a state prison in Georgia, USA Not Georgia in the Caucasu. Anyway, he's got this plan, Escape! It works very well, he gets out, he's a free man! Nobody say him do a runner. Brilliant, pure genius!
This is where the real plan fails, he was out of cigarettes, he was so desperate to get some, he hatched the escape plan, got out, and raided a local store, no he didn't pay for the ciggies, no he stole them, so far so not bright spark!
The spark has now just gone out! He master plan was to escape the prision, raid a local store for a few cartages of ciggies, then try and creep back in. Yep, he got caught when he was creeping back in with the swag of ciggies. Genius!
I'll put this down as Escape Fail!
Mar 2: Be worried, Very Worried?!
Yep, no chance in hell to sort out any of the world issues with this kind of educated people? Or are they educated? Looks like it's a suitable situation if your a politician. These one, I guess all watch Fox News or something else of low caliber.
Nov 2: God did I hate the orginal.
Jan 12: Wizard of Oz
Four United States Presidents get caught up in a tornado ...
and off they whirled to the land of OZ.
They finally made it to the Emerald City and went to find the Great Wizard.
" What brings the 4 of you before the great Wizard of Oz?"
Jimmy Carter stepped forward timidly and said:
"I've come for some courage."
" No Problem! said the Wizard. Who ' s next?"
Richard Nixon stepped forward,
"Well, I think I need a heart."
"Done! says the Wizard.
Who comes next before the Great and Powerful Oz?"
Up stepped Dubya and said,
"I'm told by the American people that I need a brain."
"No problem! said the Wizard.
Consider it done."
Then there is a great silence in the hall.
Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around,
But he doesnt say a word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally asks,
"Well, what do you want?"
"IS DOROTHY HERE?"
Jan 10: Honesty is the best policy.
Needles to say, all the passengers got a tad worried when they didn't smell the fart, but the smell of sulphur. The plane was forced to land all passengers were searched for explosives, obviously, non were found and the poor woman was a tad embarrassed.
So, the new security measure now, as this has been identified as a potential terrorist threat.
She had "no malicious intent but had struck matches which is against [Transport Security Administration] rules," Ms Lowrance said.
The unidentified woman had an unspecified medical condition, Associated Press news agency said.
She was carrying safety matches, which the TSA allows in carry-on luggage.The matches are not allowed to be struck, however.
The scenario is as follows.
A***: Hey A___ (name hidden for anonymity reasons) l, you must eat two of those gallon cans of beans, all of them?
A____: But But A** I don't like beans, they make me fart!
A***: That is the master plan! You eat the beans, get on a plane with a box of safety matches, when the plane is about to take off, you let rip, and light a match, If you don't go, by the powers of Allah, the infidels will die from that awful smell you make.
A___: Wow A** that is a cool plan, but they don't smell that bad?!
In respones to this risk, all passengers will be required to go via a Fartarium, to let rip safely before the plane leaves.
Fartarium in local airport blows up, some passenger went in with a lighted cigarette!
Source of inspiration here
Sep 11: Banksy does Disney
Aug 16: CNN get it all wrong again
The Hubble Space Telescope measured the bright, rocky object officially known as 2003 UB313 [Xena], at about 1,490 miles (2,300 kilometers) in diameter, roughly 70 miles (112 kilometers) longer than Pluto. At 9 billion miles (15 kilometers) from the sun, it is the farthest known object in the solar system.Read that quote again, yes, 9 billion miles = 15 KM!! I suppose that makes a 26 mile marathon not as big as all that. I mean, it wouldn't even draw a sweat from us metric types. I suppose that we will be waiting for the imperial types to finish their little run.
There you go, another reason not to watch 24hr news. It's not really a good source of news as they tend to run the same story over and over and over and over and... oh you know... over again. Best to just find your news on the interweb.
May 19: An Interesting Way
As of 5/18/06 , I have input 361 names. I intend to keep doing so until the end of this war. As of 5/18/06 there have been 2,458 American service persons killed in Iraq. (source - http://icasualties.org/oif/)"America's Army" is the online recruiting game and PR tool of the United States Army.
Images that Joseph took while 'playing' the game:
Other sites of interest:
Actual fatalities : http://icasualties.org/oif/
America's Army : http://www.americasarmy.com/
A dealer called the local county sherif to report that someone had broken into his house and that a quater pound of weed had been nicked.
The said burglar had cut himself while breaking into the house and had left a blood trail to where the weed had been stashed away.
The 18year old Orem gentleman (we'll have to call him that as we need to be gentle with the poor guy) advised the sherif that he had tried to make a deal with a 'provo man' . The sherif went around to the said persons mother house and found 6oz of weed and a blood soaked pair of trousers. Having arrested the 'provo man' they then proceeded to call the Gentleman to ask if he could come down to the station to do an ID check on the missing weed.
To their suprise the gentleman came down to the ID, and was prompty arrested for possession of marijuana in a drug-free zone with intent to distribute.
That was a good nights work, to really stupid people taken of the street.
Read the full story here