Andy Ramblings

Most criminals who get caught are not always the brightest sparks, well they got caught? isn't that a give away ? So here's this bright spark (well a dim one, but there is a spark there) He has a master plan, he needs to get out of the hell hole that a state prison in Georgia, USA Not Georgia in the Caucasu. Anyway, he's got this plan, Escape! It works very well, he gets out, he's a free man! Nobody say him do a runner. Brilliant, pure genius! 

This is where the real plan fails, he was out of cigarettes, he was so desperate to get some, he hatched the escape plan, got out, and raided a local store, no he didn't pay for the ciggies, no he stole them, so far so not bright spark!

The spark has now just gone out! He master plan was to escape the prision, raid a local store for a few cartages of ciggies, then try and creep back in. Yep, he got caught when he was creeping back in with the swag of ciggies. Genius!

You don't think this is true ? well it's all here on the good old BBC, here from the Huffington post.

I'll put this down as Escape Fail!

Yep, no chance in hell to sort out any of the world issues with this kind of educated people? Or are they educated? Looks like it's a suitable situation if your a politician. These one, I guess all watch Fox News or something else of low caliber.

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Am I glad I don't work in a cubicle

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Four United States Presidents get caught up in a tornado ...
and off they whirled to the land of OZ.
They finally made it to the Emerald City and went to find the Great Wizard.
" What brings the 4 of you before the great Wizard of Oz?"
Jimmy Carter stepped forward timidly and said:
 "I've come for some courage."
 " No Problem! said the Wizard. Who ' s next?"
Richard Nixon stepped forward,
"Well, I think I need a heart."
 "Done! says the Wizard.
Who comes next before the Great and Powerful Oz?"
Up stepped Dubya and said,
"I'm told by the American people that I need a brain."
"No problem! said the Wizard.
Consider it done."
Then there is a great silence in the hall.
Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around,
But he doesnt say a word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally asks,
"Well, what do you want?"
"IS DOROTHY HERE?"

Typical eh!

So they say, so when you see a tramp with his placard saying something like, need money for food, you kinda know that this isn't totally true, as you get a good wiff of the boozer 100m before you get close to them, so when one is honest, you, you know, feel more tempted to help, even if you know in your heart of hearts that this isn't going to help them. You also know that well, at least he is honest. So, would you give for an honest tramp? Vino?

After an appalling incident on an internal flight in the US, where a woman who had a serious problem with flatulence wanted to hid the problem by lighting matches. Now, I know farts can be a bit wiffy, but lighting a match isn't the best of ideas if you have a methane problem, using channel 5 or something like that may have been a wiser option.
Needles to say, all the passengers got a tad worried when they didn't smell the fart, but the smell of sulphur. The plane was forced to land all passengers were searched for explosives, obviously, non were found and the poor woman was a tad embarrassed.

She had "no malicious intent but had struck matches which is against [Transport Security Administration] rules," Ms Lowrance said.

The unidentified woman had an unspecified medical condition, Associated Press news agency said.

She was carrying safety matches, which the TSA allows in carry-on luggage.

The matches are not allowed to be struck, however.

So, the new security measure now, as this has been identified as a potential terrorist threat.
The scenario is as follows.

 A***: Hey A___ (name hidden for anonymity reasons) l, you must eat two of those gallon cans of beans, all of them?
A____: But But A** I don't like beans, they make me fart!
A***: That is the master plan! You eat the beans, get on a plane with a box of safety matches, when the plane is about to take off, you let rip, and light a match, If you don't go, by the powers of Allah, the infidels will die from that awful smell you make.
A___: Wow A** that is a cool plan, but they don't smell that bad?!

In respones to this risk, all passengers will be required to go via a Fartarium, to let rip safely before the plane leaves.

Stop press:
Fartarium in local airport blows up, some passenger went in with a lighted cigarette!

Source of inspiration here

Families visiting Disneyland had an un-expected extra attraction today. Yep, the UK's best know"guerrilla artist", you guessed? maybe not, but it's Banksy. what did they see, well have a look at the images, click to enlarge, yep, what did they see, well...  A life-size replica of a Guantanamo Bay detainee. It took Disney security 1h30mins to shoo everyone away, close down the ride (those dolls could be dangerous?).

Over the last few days, the astronomical world has been in turmoil over a new planet (2003 UB313) is it a planet or is it not, would it demote pluto to a mere junior planet. It's all to do with size, yep for this guys size does matter. This isn't where CNN went wrong. IT was in distance...

The Hubble Space Telescope measured the bright, rocky object officially known as 2003 UB313 [Xena], at about 1,490 miles (2,300 kilometers) in diameter, roughly 70 miles (112 kilometers) longer than Pluto. At 9 billion miles (15 kilometers) from the sun, it is the farthest known object in the solar system.

Source

Read that quote again, yes, 9 billion miles = 15 KM!! I suppose that makes a 26 mile marathon not as big as all that. I mean, it wouldn't even draw a sweat from us metric types. I suppose that we will be waiting for the imperial types to finish their little run.
There you go, another reason not to watch 24hr news. It's not really a good source of news as they tend to run the same story over and over and over and over and... oh you know... over again. Best to just find your news on the interweb.

An Anti-war protester found a very novel way to protest against the war in Iraq. No he didn't run around the White House in the nude, or did he gate crash some press conference where Bush was chatting about nothing. No he found a very novel way, The US army has a website that it uses as a recruitment tool. So what's on this website? Well you can play at being a soldier, get the feel of being in battle, and yes, get your head blown off as well, but you don't die, your playing in the safety of your living room.


Images that Joseph took while 'playing' the game:
You may or may not have noticed if you look on the top right on some of the images, that there is a cheat server for the guys to play, I'm guessing that this one is the 'ignores the Geneva Convention' mode
Other sites of interest:

Actual fatalities     : http://icasualties.org/oif/
America's Army    : http://www.americasarmy.com/
Other site:

GamePolitics.com
Terranova.blogs.com
Livejournal.com(notsuchpatriot)
Rhizome.org
We make money not art
http://www.selectparks.net/

Well by the looks of it yep, But being 18 year old drug dealer in Orem, Utah, USA it seems that yes, it can make you very stupid indeed.
A dealer called the local county sherif to report that someone had broken into his house and that a quater pound of weed had been nicked.
The said burglar had cut himself while breaking into the house and had left a blood trail to where the weed had been stashed away.
The 18year old Orem gentleman (we'll have to call him that as we need to be gentle with the poor guy) advised the sherif that he had tried to make a deal with a 'provo man' . The sherif went around to the said persons mother house and found 6oz of weed and a blood soaked pair of trousers. Having arrested the 'provo man' they then proceeded to call the Gentleman to ask if he could come down to the station to do an ID check on the missing weed.
To their suprise the gentleman came down to the ID, and was prompty arrested for possession of marijuana in a drug-free zone with intent to distribute.

That was a good nights work, to really stupid people taken of the street.


Read the full story here

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A fireball almost destroys a truck somewhere in south Florida. Must be near the Cap or something.

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